The Outer Circle - Our Community Minister's Monthly Column

by Rev. Barbara F. Meyers, M.Div.

(Click here for information about mental health issues and the Caring Congregation curriculum.)

Resilience, Part 3

This is a continuation of my previous articles (see below) about the characteristics of resilient people which I spoke of in my November 29 sermon. Here is part 3, the last in the series:

11. Resilient people have flexibility; they accept that change is a part of living; they have an uncanny ability to improvise. If something goes wrong, they get creative and learn how to turn it into an opportunity. This is a skill that I think can be learned by having a mentor who is a good improviser and coach.

12. Resilient people can admit to having vulnerability; it is important to have a humble attitude toward life. Humility is a greatly prized virtue in all of the major world religions: Christianity, Buddhism, Tao, Judaism, Islam, Sikh, and Hindu, and the spiritual leaders that formed and lead them. A humble person is generally thought to be unpretentious and modest, someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others.

13. Resilient people have learned how to harness the saving grace of humor which can provide escape, relaxation, a change in perspective, and detachment from problems. I remember the story of Norman Cousins who was suffering from very painful arthritis. He found that he could get two hours of pain relief after laughing at a Marx Brothers movie for 10 minutes.

14. Resilient people have a positive view of themselves and confidence in their strengths, abilities, talent and creativity. In other words, they have positive self esteem. For those who have self-esteem problems, therapy often can be very helpful.

15. Resilient people take care of their bodies. They engage in activities that they enjoy and find relaxing. They exercise regularly. Taking care of oneself helps to keep one's mind and body primed to deal with situations that require resilience. Each precious individual is a whole person with different dimensions-body, mind, environmental, spiritual, and relational. All of these aspects seen as a whole can contribute to resilience.

16. Finally, resilient people have an active spiritual life. They engage in a spiritual practice that has meaning for them. Maybe it is meditation, journaling, prayer, or ritual.

References for further reading:

- Anatomy of an Illness as Perceived by the Patient: Reflections on Healing by Norman Cousins
- Dancing Backwards in High Heels by Patricia A. O'Gorman
- Power of Resilience, by Brooks, Robert B and Sam Goldstein
Resilient Adults - Overcoming a Cruel Past, by Gina O'Connell Higgins
- The Road To Resilience, American Psychological Association
- Woman's Book of Resilience, by Beth Kurti Miller

- In faith, Barbara

Resilience, Part 2

This is a continuation to last month's article (see below) describing the characteristics of resilient people that I spoke of in my November 29 sermon. Here is part 2:

6. Resilient people live an authentic life. They believe in what they do for a living, and do it with joy. They don't say they believe one thing and do something entirely different every day at work.

7. Resilient people have developed the art of setting boundaries; they know how to say "No" when they realize it would be unwise to do something that is asked of them. This is another skill that can be learned from a therapist or behavioral program. I remember taking such a seminar back in graduate school that used the book "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty." It was quite effective.

8. Resilient people learn how to avoid repeating behavior that has negative outcomes. Some people call this "rewriting negative scripts." Again, therapy can help with this.

9. Resilient people maintain a hopeful outlook; In any situation, they see the glass half full. You may remember a sermon that I gave on stages of recovery from mental illness. The first stage is Hope. It is a required start of recovery of mental health - the person has to believe that it is possible to get better. Sometimes another person needs to hold hope before the person can see it themselves.

10. Resilient people have the ability to make positive meanings out of experiences; avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems - change how they interpret them, looking for opportunities for self-discovery. In the book "Man's Search for Meaning" psychiatrist Viktor Frankl describes his time in a concentration camp during World War II. He tells about what it was that made the difference between survival and death in the camps. His conclusion was that the people who lived were people who had something to live for - they believed that their lives, even their suffering, had meaning.

References for further reading:

- Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl
- Power of Resilience by Robert B. Brooks and Sam Goldstein
- Resilient Adults - Overcoming a Cruel Past by Gina O'Connell Higgins
- The Road To Resilience by the American Psychological Association
- When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel Smith
- Woman's Book of Resilience by Beth Kurti Miller

Resilience, Part 1

Several people have asked me to publish the characteristics of resilient people that I spoke of in my November 29 sermon and in the newsletter. I will be doing that over the next three months. Here is part 1:

1. Suffering from loss or illness will happen in life; it is inevitable. Resilient people are able to manage strong feelings and impulses such losses engender. If they can't bounce back on their own, they know how to get effective help.

2. Resilient people have empathy for others; The word "compassion" has Latin roots that mean "suffer with." Resilient people can suffer with others; they can spend time and be a presence when it would be helpful.

3. Resilient people cultivate relationships that create love and trust, provide role models, and offer encouragement and reassurance. Certainly one's family can be one source of such love and trust. And, I think that in this church, there are many such relationships between members. We care for each other, we offer reassurance, we are present.

4. Resilient people can communicate their needs effectively; They can ask for help; they can refrain from gossip, or harmful statements about others; they can listen to what others are saying to them. If one has trouble with communication skills, there are programs and classes and therapists that can effectively help people with them.

5. Resilient people have developed self-discipline; They have the capacity to make developmental goals and realistic plans and take steps to carry them out; They have problem solving skills. This is something that one can develop with training, if one is weak in these skills.

References for further reading:

- Power of Resilience, by Brooks, Robert B and Sam Goldstein, Chicago : Contemporary Books, c 2004
- The Resilient Spirit, by Polly Young-Eisendrath PhD. Perseus Publishing, Cambridge Mass, 1996
- The Road To Resilience, American Psychological Association
- Woman's Book of Resilience, by Beth Kurti Miller, Boston, MA : Conari Press, 2005

- In faith, Barbara

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Last updated 2-24-2010